Gvanim Tikkun

Yesterday afternoon an amazing thing happened at my shul. Four people changed the minds of twelve high ranking Israeli Defense Force (IDF) officers. For six years, the Jewish Community Federation (JCF) has run a program in Israel called "Gvanim”, which loosely translates as "rainbow." The program brings together leaders from different walks of Israeli life for a year-long program of study and dialogue about Jewish identity and pluralism. One of the Gvanim members, a retired IDF general, developed an Action Project called Gvanim IDF with a goal of exposing high ranking Army officers to the multiple expressions of Judaism within Israeli society and the Diaspora.

My fellow panelists James M., Lisa F., and Rebecca W. were witness to real life Tikkun (Repair). It all began with our personal stories about the intersection of our Jewish identities and our LGBTQ natures. Rebecca talked about growing up a lesbian in Berkeley with a strong sense of Jewishness, James talked about being gay in Austria and growing up in a dati community that was very oppressive, and Lisa talked about being queer in her pluralistic Midwestern family. My story was simple, I was a trans man (Female-to-Male Transsexual ) and was married with a two and a half year old daughter. I made a conscious decision to out myself on another level, as a Jew by Choice. This did not go over well, in my opinion, judging from the reaction from one particular Lieutenant Colonel who questioned my existence on the panel, "Why didn't you just find another faith, one that would want you, and be easier, because Judaism rejects you." he said this as if he was talking directly to me. Yet, some of the other people on the panel fielded this question thinking that it had been directed at them.

Answers were as eloquent as could be with a simple, "Because I am Jewish," was the common thread to the answers. But when my turn was up again, I directed my answer to the Lt. Col. saying the same thing, "Because I am Jewish," and talked about my conversion in as much detail as I could. I talked about my troubles trying to fit myself into Halakha, struggling with G-d, looking to the Torah for answers, and finding myself in the beginning with Avram and Sarai, Lech L'cha (Go Forth!) and his answer Hineni (Here I Am). In the Torah, everyone is themselves, the men and women who we count as ancestors were flawed human beings, just like us. Continually missing the mark and wrestling with G-d. These is no other religious tradition that captures who I am like Judaism does.

After his question was answered, he went on to ask why we didn't just have a social group where we did text study, instead of a synagogue. To which Rebecca answered, "Because it is a synagogue, not a social club." I kept thinking about how much on the defensive we all were on the bimah that afternoon, and then it happened. People from the group started thanking us for showing them that you could be both LGBT and religiously Jewish. I started feeling really good about being so out there, and talking about my journey to and through Judaism.

The next Lt. Col to talk was someone who hadn't spoken yet, he was the quiet one who was watching it all, and coming to his own informed conclusion. He started off slowly, and as he spoke the room became very still and quiet. He then talked about his uncle who had transitioned from Male-to-Female (MTF) over ten years ago. He said that some of the family had been accepting, but not him, he was against his uncle's decision from the start. Eventually he cut his uncle out of his life, and never thought about him. He said that he had heard that his uncle had gotten married to a man and moved away. He was also using "He" to talk about his MTF family member until the very end. Everyone was leaning in, and I don't remember hearing anything other than his voice. He looked at me and said, "You have changed my mind, and I will call her and try to reconnect." He then walked up to the bimah and handed Lisa a picture of the group of officers as a gift to the synagogue, and a remembrance of the wonderful thing that happened a few moments ago.

The entire panel was alight, because something wonderful had happened, out of the twelve uniformed men and women in front of us, we had changed the heart and mind of one man. Personal stories can change hearts and minds, they can move mountains, and create safe space where there was none. I am in awe of the Lt. Col. looking deep inside, and finding the courage to say that he was wrong to push his family member away because she was different. And I am touched and honored that I was a catalyst, an agent of change for this one man.

After the panel we rose to more than polite claps, it was a really wonderful ovation from a group of people that we somehow connected with on an intimate level. My daughter ran to me, and I picked her up from the floor and introduced her to the Lt. Col. who had just made such a powerful statement, we chatted and I wished him well. I also looked at pictures of children that the other IDF officers had in their bags. It was as if we were all old friends, reconnecting...

Transdenominational Gerim

I recently received a very agitated email from an Orthodox man, regarding stopping any further inquiry around Jews by Choice, because he thought that I would be taking advantage of their naivety, and putting a stumbling block in front of the blind as it were. Due to the minhag (Long standing tradition) around not discussing conversion after the fact, he assumed that the participants would be treated badly by their born Jewish friends and family who happened upon the film. He also expressed concern over the level of conversion, i.e. "Not all conversions are equal.", and those who convert Reform are not really Jews, until they convert Orthodox. After they convert to Orthodoxy, in his opinion, they would feel a sense of shame and regret over being part of the film before they converted Orthodox.

His argument is the same argument that all "minority" groups have faced: Don't come out because it might hurt you and/or your family and/or your acquaintances. Don't protest, don't go to the media, don't expose yourself. Because of the possibility of self-harm either knowingly or unknowingly. Stay in the closet. Ride the back of the bus. Stay on the reservation. Don't question your employer. Don't complain. Radical change comes about when a few brave people choose to break their anonymity, and stand up for what they believe in. That said, I am still making the film, and am committed to embracing all of the engaging stories that are brought to me in the process.

I recently applied to the Jewish Studies MA program at Hebrew College (an online program at a Transdenominational grad school in Newton, MA), hoping that I could use the film work in my studies and vise versa. In essence my thought is that this film is a Transdenominational examination of those who are converts to Judaism. The participants of this project come from across the boundaries of traditional and non-traditional movements to give insight into the process of conversion, and Jewish thought. I can think of no better way to illuminate the unifying factor of Transdenominational insight than through a film about conversion. In short, this film is the perfect bridge building vehicle to highlight the similarities between the movements, and allow us to embrace each other regardless of tradition.

There is a place in my heart for the man who wrote me the letter, because I don't think I realized the level of resistance that the film would come up against, until his email hit my inbox. I don't think of myself as controversial or provocative in any way, then again I live in my skin. Anyone who looked at my life from the outside could see a transsexual, bisexual Jewish man as a little provocative. Yet, I see myself as a pretty traditional Jewish man, I have a family, a wife and daughter, a ritual filled life, I go to Torah study, I lead the Ma'ariv service when I can, I enjoy studying Talmud, I love digging into the dictionary during text study, and I enjoy my Kehila Kedusha (Holy Community) to no end. And I think that many Jews by Choice in the Bay Area have an interesting, and engaging voice that challenges the Jewish community to action, a voice that I would never think of silencing. In fact I think I want to make a film about that voice...